I walk out of large, heavy double doors that open towards the parking lot at the Targhee Ski resort in the Teton Mountains. I left Karen in the parking lot just moments ago to finish strapping on her ski boots, while I sprinted for the restroom. I had to go since we started climbing the mountain in her Subaru, and we didn't get there until about a half an hour later. A cup of coffee and a bottle of water runs through me quickly at 8,000 feet.

"Peeing is a lot like enlightenment," I say, "when you're about to go, it's the only thing that matters."

Karen laughs. She thinks I'm being funny, which I am, but I am also being dead serious. When you have to pee, you're on a mission. You'll do anything to pee. You drop everything else, you think of nothing else, and you can't relax until it happens. If something or someone holds you back from peeing, you might consider killing them. The same is true with enlightenment.


This goes further.

When you start peeing, there is simultaneous relief and the knowledge that it can't really be stopped. I was once running errands in Los Angeles before a big Asia trip and I had to pee. I had to stop in at Dancing Shiva to get some herbs, and decided I would go there. Dancing Shiva was closed, and at this point I was about to explode. I pulled over in the alley and began peeing against a garage. Sweet relief. Voices. Shit. Someone opened a door just three feet from me and walked out. They stopped and stared at me. I continued peeing.

"What the fuck are you doing?" the man asked.

"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"

"Stop." He looked angry.

"No."

"You're pissing on my garage. Stop."

"No. I can't just stop peeing once I started. It hurts. You know that."

"You need to stop right now."

"No I don't." I can't believe I'm peeing still. This is a serious piss. Why is it so clear? Is that bad?

"If you don't stop, I'm going to kick your ass."

"No you're not. I'm twice your size. My cock is the size of your arm. I could beat the shit out of you while holding my dick and pissing. You're going to stand there until I finish, and then I am going to turn around and walk away. It's an alley. Relax." Never try and stop someone while they are peeing - it's not nice.

Finished. "See, I'm finished now. Have a good day." I shook, zipped, and got in my car and drove away." I should bring this up in class. There's probably a good metaphor here. I can't believe I'm actually a teacher. I piss on people's garages while threatening to beat them up. I'm going to hell.

Once you start, no matter what happens, you can't stop.

This goes further, still.

In India, you can pee wherever you want. I like this and I hate this. I like this for obvious reasons: when you got to go, truly wherever you are, you simply pull it out and go. I hate this for obvious reasons: you walk in other people's piss all day.

You can imagine India as a metaphor for almost all spirituality (sort of the Mecca for the western "Spiritual but not religious" types): whip it out and piss whenever and wherever you want. There's no build, there's no one-pointed got to piss sprints for the restroom to finally experience the sweet release of being empty. Whenever your heart desires, you simply whip it out and go. It's all right there for you: you don't have to think, surrender, let go, become consumed to the point of peeing on someone's garage without any concern for human nicety and formality. Nope, it's all right there: here's this teaching you'll never apply to your life; here's this mantra you'll repeat forever and still remain completely attached to basically everything including the mantra; here's this guru you'll just end up projecting all your parent wants and issues on; here's this ________ .

It has to build. It has to not only become the most important thing, it has to become the only thing that matters - like peeing. Think about this next time your scrambling to unzip while hoping you won't piss on yourself.

I received the below email from someone here on myspace, and I have included my response. It's relevant to all on a spiritual path. It's points to a reality and a potential. Please take this as an opportunity for deeper being. But these words, experiences, and answers are no more true than anything else. Truth is not anything that is written down, truth is the nature of all experience. Words simply point to this truth. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- Date: Jul 15, 2007 9:48 AM Thank you very much. I don't quite know where to start. In febuary I had a very weird and unsettling experience. I was sitting at my computer and all of a sudden a feeling washed over me. All of a sudden I no longer felt real, like my body was not real and I was like a pair of eyeballs floating in space. The only time I have felt that is when I ate some cake that had a large amount of cannabis in it. Prior to this experience I had not been near any kind of drugs for about two weeks. I am not a drug user but I would share a spliff with friends perhaps once or twice a month. That inital feeling has not since returned but it has left me feeling completly ungrounded in reality, I cant stop my thoughts from going off on crazy tangents about what is real and I find myself slipping into a trance quite easily and often. Somehow my overall perception of reality is different, nothing seems to look and feel like it did before I had that experience. I have had panic attacks and general feelings of weirdness and surrealness. I have had ringing in my ears, lights flashing in my peripheral vision and I have been experiencing headaches more than ever. I am seeking help and have been working with my homeopath to try and sort me out, using flower remedies & I have also been to the doctor a few times to tell them how I am doing so they can keep a record of my progress. I may ask to see a shrink although I would refuse drugs at this point. I have also been for reiki and to see a medium. Its very strange because underneath all the turmoil "I" am ok. It simply seems that my perception on reality has changed and somehow that has scared me very deeply. I am able to function quite normally in everyday life and when I am busy and focused totally on a task in hand, all these feelings seem to disappear for a short while, yet inevitably they surface again. My yoga teacher tells me she has been through things like this and that it is not unheard of for people to go through things like this while on a spiritual path. But how can you tell a spiritual crisis/clearout/experience from a physical or mental problem? Right now I am feeling totally lost. My mind has become obsessed with seeing everything on a cosmic level that I cant even really comprehend and I seem to be torturing myself constantly asking questions that we cant know the answer to. Its bad enough that I cant seem to comprehend my own experience or "reality" but I think A LOT about how other people are experiencing their own realities. Needless to say this freaks me out a lot and leaves me feeling very dissasociated from any kind of normality.....whatever that is. I actually feel like a paradox embodied. Namaste Dean. MY RESPONSE: Awareness is aware of itself, is it not? Awakeness is awake to itself, is it not? What is that awake and aware "I" underneath it all. Is that not your true self, your original "I"? This "I" has nothing to do with everything else in your experience. It's always been there and will always be, will it not? It was there before your parents where born, was it not? Be with that "I". Relax into that "I". It's freedom, isn't it? As your being wakes up to it's on unlimited consciousness, you will experience new and different things. Some traditions would call this an exteme 'Saktipat' which is the awakening of what these traditions call 'Kundalini', a dorment spiritual energy in everyone. Your perceptive structures will shift. Your thought patterns will shift. Your biochemistry will shift too. None of what you're experiencing is more true than it was before - it's just taking a different perspective now. It's all very normal. Be thankful you're functional. Some people don't get that luxury. Many people are satisfied with stopping here. Let yourself be practiced now. Let this process awaken you. Every moment in life is a teaching. Receive these teachings fully. Let any idea of an "I" that is personal dissolve until there is nothing left except for Universe. You're not crazy. Crazy people don't think they may be crazy. It doesn't occur to them that something may be off. To crazy people, everyone else is crazy. Surrender. Just let go fully and deeply into the experience. Relax into it. Let the deep "I", the "I" that isn't an "I" permeate you. Turn your attention to that. Release your mind from trying to understand it. There is nothing to understand. Just be. Just be as you are. When you relax from trying to figure it out or working to resist it, there will be less tension in your experience. Let these new experiences and perceptions integrate as a part of your normal experience. It's just the way things are now. Let go of trying to put reality into any perception. The reordering your mind has done is no more true now than it was before. Release yourself to the constant mystery and potential of being expressing as becoming. Live as this mystery and potential. Love/Kris p.s. - Please keep me posted. Let me know if this helps. Again, best advice I can give is to let go.

Friends, I have signed up for Yogathon!, a 24 Hour practice of yoga benefiting Habitat for Humanity. Actually, Tara signed me up while I was away on foreign travel and upon returning a week ago I learned that I need to raise $500 to participate. In discussing this with a friend, she wrote me a check for $25, so I actually only need to raise $475. I would love to offer more than this, thus I appeal to you. Please assist me, in the least, to raise the minimum. Though I hope to, in the next two weeks, to raise over $1,000. Payment is easy. Write a check to Habitat for Humanity for whatever amount you like and forward it to me. If you don’t like writing checks, I can send you a PayPal invoice and you can use your credit card. I will then write a check, on behalf of you, for the amount of your choosing. If you would like to learn more about Habitat, a very wonderful organization, please visit here: http://www.habitat.org/ Thank you for your interest and assistance in creating empowered affordable housing for people of need. Yogathon!, Kris

The Supreme Awakening Experiencing the Siva Sutras with Carlos Pomeda, Tara Judelle & Kris Nelson October 13 – 20, 2007 Maya Tulum, Mexico You are invited to join Carlos, Tara and Kris in exploring your ecstatic inner landscape and the pristine beauty of the Maya Tulum. The Maya Tulum Resort, located on the beautiful Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico, is a seaside wellness retreat that offers amazing serenity, awe-inspiring scenery, and a true connection with the Mayan past. Journey into yourself through yoga, meditation and the philosophical offerings of celebrated teacher Carlos Pomeda. Sleep to the lulling sound of the gentle Caribbean and lucidly enjoy afternoons on the beach and in the sun. The energy of the Mayan coast will soothe your soul and relax your mind. The Supreme Awakening explores a set of very profound practices that probe beyond the surface of reality to uncover the awareness of the divine in every aspect of life. Drawing from The Shiva Sutras, a foundational text of the Tantric Shaivism of Kashmir, we will uncover a deeper way of looking at life, one that uncovers profound joy and a sense of wonder. When we are not practicing yoga or absorbing the teachings of the Supreme Awakening, there will be plenty of time for massages, biking, hiking, strolling on the beach, and swimming. On Wednesday, we will break from the teachings to explore the ancient Mayan ruins. This trip includes: + 2 Yoga classes a day + 1 Lecture session a day + 1 Meditation class a day + 3 Fresh and healthy meals a day + 1 Trip to the Mayan Ruins Cost*: Beach front double deluxe: $1750 before August 1, $1950 after Ocean view double deluxe: $1650 before August 1, $1850 after Garden view double deluxe: $1550 before August 1, $1750 after Private rooms are available on request. *Not including airfare. For booking, please contact Kris at heisbeautiful@hotmail.com or 310.779.8587. Recommended Reading Material: Swami Lakshmanjoo’s Shiva Sutras: The Supreme Awakening Mark Dyczkowski’s The Aphorisms of Siva: The Siva Sutra Jaideva Singh’s The Shiva Sutras Tara Judelle and Kris Nelson are Los Angeles based Certified Anusara Teachers, who have taught both nationally and internationally. They view the yoga room as a spiritual playground that invites exploration of all aspects of being. Their progressive, empowering yet personal and playful style of teaching moves students to higher levels – excelling not only in their yoga practice, but also in their everyday experience. In addition to being students of Anusara yoga, Tara and Kris have both extensively studied Kashmir Shaivism and have mentored under Sally Kempton in teaching Tantric inspired mediation. Carlos Pomeda received formal, traditional training in yoga during almost 18 years as a monk of the Sarasvati order, 9 of which he spent in India at the Siddha Yoga Ashram. During this time he learnt the various systems of Indian Philosophy and immersed himself in the practice of yoga. He combines this traditional training with an academic background as well, having earned two Masters' degrees: one in Sanskrit from UC Berkeley and another one, in Religious Studies, from UC Santa Barbara. As a teacher, Carlos is known for his love of the Indian yoga traditions, his insight, his humor, his deep empathy with his audiences and his ability to convey the deepest scriptural teachings in a way that is clear, meaningful and applicable. Studying with Carlos is a truly delightful and enlightening experience.

Summer Meditation Intensive: Lotus Blossoming with Kris Nelson June 17, June 24 & July 1 This workshop series can be approached as a series or as individual experiences. Though, it is recommended that you attend all, as they will grow in experience, feel free to explore one. June 17 | Deep Surrender 1 PM – 5 PM Surrender means various things at various stages of practice, but in truth, the path of spiritual evolution is the path of continuously moving into a deeper place of letting go. In this workshop, we will together explore how we can more deeply surrender, opening up to reality in a truer and deeper ways. As we cook together in the space of sacred community, the onion of the self will slowly unpeel, revealing the sweet core of emptiness. There will be a talk, meditation practice, and insight dialogue and inquiry processes. June 24 | Siva Awakening 1PM – 5PM In this workshop and satsang, we will explore the Tantric Tattvas, which is one of the maps of existence the Tantric Masters taught. As I have experienced it, the Tattvas are normally taught as a chain of creative manifestation or related to aspects of one’s individual experience. Several months ago, my understanding of the Tattvas shifted to a model of the process of awakening and the flow of going deeper into practice, and I am excited to share this with others on the path. Gaining understanding of the path can assist in unfolding the path. There will be a talk, meditation practice, and insight dialogue and inquiry processes. July 1 | Sacred Profanity 1PM – 5PM Tantric practice, simply put, is a process of revealing whatever you don’t believe to be Divine and taking you there to find That. Spirituality is normally limited to what is considered good and pure. The Tantric explosion produced practices that embraced all aspects of the human experience in the name of Divine realization. I observed in myself, even after I received the teachings of Tantra, a tendency to reject what I considered bad and embrace what I considered good. In this workshop experience, we will together look deeply into our own experiences. There will be a talk, meditation practice, and insight dialogue and inquiry processes. To register contact Kris at heisbeautiful@hotmail.com or call 310.779.8587. Location: 7621 Hollywood Blvd., Apt. A Los Angeles, 90046 Cost: $150 for the series or $60 individually. Cash, check, or credit cards can be accepted through a Pay Pal invoice. Pay Pal membership is not required. Wear comfortable clothing, bring water, writing objects, and an intention for transformation and joy.

Transformers, I want to share with you some new work I am doing. Through teaching workshops and interacting with my private clients, a new voice of teaching has unfolded. At this time, I can at best name it soft inquiry and conscious dialogue practice. After playing with these tools and voices for about a year now, I am interested in exploring this work with greater intention. Before leaving for my Asia trip, I engaged with a few individuals in intentional practices of soft inquiry and conscious dialogue and the results were amazing beyond my own expectations. Essentially, the practice involves pointed questions and comments held in a space of great awareness. This co-creative space evolves through the interaction of myself and whomever I am present with in a session. Each time the process has been unique, and each person has walked away with a deeper knowing of Self and their own perceptions. In some circumstances big truths have unfolded and in others suffering was released and new ways of being were realized. These sessions begin with a check-in and then move into soft inquiry and insight dialogue work. Sometimes, it is appropriate within the session to engage meditation practices and breathwork. I have been working with a specific set of breath practices for the last four years that unfolded as a result of my own breathwork practice, and have shared these in workshops for the last two years. Through the development of these inquiry sessions I’ve found the breathwork to be a vital component in releasing and opening for specific individuals. Each person is different, each moment is different, so each session is different. Here is what a couple of people have said about the work: “When I went to see Kris for help I thought we would discuss meditation techniques; instead we engaged in what I would describe as an intense question-answer dynamic, in relaxation. The inner visual and sensory activity this exchange stimulated was...well, this is where words begin to fail me. I cannot verbalize it, it would be terribly reductive. But I can say that now I know a place where danger is not part of the equation, where the question of whether or not I am safe is obsolete, because it just IS.” - Barbara, Los Angeles “The effect of Kris’s teaching is one of a deeper, more connected meditation while on the cushion as well as a clearer, more grounded experience away from the seat. Kris’s guidance points you back to your very source, your very center. My personal practice has deepened considerably from sitting and learning from his experience.” - Greg, Los Angeles As I am still in a place of exploration and discovery, from June 8 to July 9, I will be offering these individual sessions at donation. I am now charging $150 an hour for my yoga privates, and I suspect that if I decided to, after this trial period, to continue this practice, my fee will be the same across the board. However, donation means that you can pay me anything you would like. The great thing about this work, unlike most of my yoga privates, is that it can be done on the phone. I have actually even engaged in a process over text messaging. My thumb got tired, but it still carried great impact. Payment, by credit card, can be arranged through PayPal. You do not have to be a member of PayPal to utilize this payment method. If you are interested in more information or would like to book a session, please do contact me. I look forward to co-evolving with you. Love, truly, Kris

+Introduction to Pranayama and Meditation w/ Kris Nelson Sunday, December 10 | 12:30 – 3:30 | $40 City Yoga: http://www.cityyoga.com I have completely revised this workshop, so even if you’ve been with me before, I highly recommend that you come again, as it offers completely new material. Come and learn the art and science of cultivating inner freedom. In this three-hour workshop, we will journey through our inner landscape using a variety of techniques to explore our beautiful and rich inner world. Each participant will walk away with techniques and supporting material to continue their inner journey on their own. This workshop is balanced with practical information and effective practice, always promising a rich and insightful experience. This workshop is based entirely on my own inner experience and journey, in the greater context of the Tantric traditions of India and transpersonal psychology. It’s accessible to all, but also profoundly rich and deep. I share the transformative teachings Consciousness has shared with my on my own journey.